The Tough Questions
by Mary Sue Murderer
Summary: Chas and Gabriel find themselves alone in John's apartment while he's away on 'business'. Chas asks Gabriel some interesting questions, that lead to even more interesting consequences. - humor, almost-sex, perhaps some offensive religious subject matter,


"John, I can do this! Let me go with you!"

"No."

Chas followed John Constantine around the rooms of his apartment as the older man gathered up his equipment, barely taking the time to respond to Chas' begging.

"Please? I'll take care of myself, you won't have to worry about me!"

"No I won't, because you're not coming."

His coat was now heavy with crosses, holy water, and various weapons John felt he'd need. This one was going to be dangerous; very hands-on and definitely not the sort of mission he wanted the kid to start with.

"You're not being fair! I know just as much about all this as you do! Let me go!"

"No."

"Oh come on!"

Having finished rounding up all his equipment, John strode across the room to the door in five long steps, pausing with his hand on the doorknob to look back at Chas. He gave him a quick once over and sighed, rolling his eyes. The kid was all but pouting. He half expected to hear him whine like a puppy and scratch at the door after he left.

"That's the end of it, kid."

The door clicked as he turned the knob, punctuating the end of the conversation.

"No means- Ah!"

"AH!"

"Hello, John!"

As John opened the door, he nearly walked straight into the figure leaning against his doorframe, a bright smile on his face. Gabriel stood up, looking between the two men in the room.

"I'm terribly sorry, did I interrupt something?"

Snorting angrily, John pushed past Gabriel.

"No, I was just leaving. Chas was staying here, so you can keep _him_ company until I get back."

Blinking in surprise at John's abrupt answer and subsequent departure, Gabriel entered the apartment and let the door close of it's own accord behind him.

"Hmm, someone's a bit of a grouch today."

The heels of Gabriel's fine leather boots clicks on the bare wood floor as he approached Chas, who was standing by the table and staring at the angel. Gabriel wondered if the boy even knew what it was he was looking at. His eyes moved like one trying to translate a text written in some archaic language, searching for meaning in the form before him. Gabriel couldn't help but grin even wider, all but posing for the boy as he waited for him to finish his inspection.

When Chas finally looked back up at Gabriel's face, he cocked one eyebrow in confusion.

"All right… what the fuck are you?"

Gabriel's smirk seemed cockier than any smile you would find on any of the demons in Hell.

"I… am Gabriel, dear boy."

Though Chas couldn't see it, Gabriel extended his wings behind him proudly, preening like a peacock.

"No, I didn't ask _who_ you are. I said _what_. _What_ the fuck are you."

Gabriel's wings fell again, looking almost hurt. _That_hadn't been the reaction he'd been going for. He'd been hoping there would be more gasping and staring in awe at the sudden realization that the boy was in the presence of the Archangel Gabriel.

"I'm an angel, Chas. Gabriel, the angel? Perhaps you've heard of me?"

"I _know_ that. John's mentioned you before."

Gabriel sighed in frustration, moving over to the large table in the room to lean against the edge.

"Then what is it you're asking then, boy?"

It was Chas' turn to bristle this time. He didn't care for Gabriel's condescending tone.

"What I _meant_ was _what_ are you, like a boy or a girl? Because seriously, I can't tell."

Gabriel's eyebrows rose in horrified surprise for a moment before he decided he was really more amused by the situation than offended.

"You _do_know who you're addressing, right?"

"Of course I do, you just told me didn't you?"

Gritting his teeth, Gabriel tried not to allow this boy to annoy him. After all, John wasn't exactly much more polite himself, and Gabriel sought him out for conversation.

"Right… Angels have no gender, Chas."

"Really? Wow… I've read that before, but I didn't think… So what, you're a hermaphrodite?"

Gabriel sighed loudly, holding his forehead in his hand.

"I can't _believe_that of all things, _this_ is what you want to talk about with an _Archangel_. Most other mortals would have boat loads of big, important questions for me."

"So you're a hermaphrodite then?"

"No! I'm gender _less_! I don't have any sexual organs!"

"Jeeze! Calm down, would ya? I was just asking… asshole."

Chas turned away, heading towards the kitchen to grab him something to eat. He felt rather snubbed by John. Rather than getting to help John with his exorcism, he ended up stuck back at the apartment with a bitchy, prissy angel for a babysitter.

He was opening a can of coke when Gabriel walked up behind him.

"I'm sorry, Chas. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I don't exactly have the patience of a saint."

Chas didn't turn to look at the angel. "Well ain't that ironic."

Gabriel sighed again, trying to keep his composure. "I'd be glad to answer any questions you have, so long as I'm allowed to."

"Guess that leaves out the meaning of life and stuff like that, right?"

"Right."

Chas snorted. "What a cop out."

The angel rolled his eyes as Chas pushed past him, walking over to the half-broken couch in the corner of the room and plopping down. Taking a long sip of his soda, Chas looked back at Gabriel.

"Well? Ya wanna sit down or just stand there with your panties in a bunch? …Do you even wear panties? Or boxers? You just add a whole new layer to the 'boxers or briefs' question."

Amused again, Gabriel shook his head as he walked over to the couch, taking a seat beside Chas. "So instead of asking the meaning of life, you want to know what sort of undergarments I wear?"

Chas nodded, grinning widely.

"_You_ are ridiculous."

Reaching over, Gabriel grabbed the edge of Chas' hat and pulled it down teasingly, laughing in disbelief. Chas tried to push the angel's hand away, but he too was laughing.

"So? What's the answer then?"

"Neither. I don't need to wear any under things."

"Huh. Kinky."

Again the two of them laughed, Gabriel more in wonder at the boy's audacity than at the actual humor.

"So… so so, you can't have sex then, can you?"

Fresh peals of laughter came from Gabriel, causing him to nearly double over.

"No, not like you mortals do, thank you. First of all, I'm an angel, an sex and procreation aren't exactly on our agendas. Secondly, from what I've seen of you people during sex, it looks terribly messy and awkward, and quite frankly, hilarious."

Chas shook his head slowly, still smirking. "Wow, Kevin Smith was right."

More laughing, this time shared between the two of them.

"That sucks, though. I mean, sure, you've got all those powers and stuff-"

"Powers?"

"Yeah! You know, flying and super-strength and being able to read people's minds and stuff."

"Powers… never heard it put that way."

"Yeah, but even with all that, you can't orgasm or anything. That sucks."

Gabriel shifted, looking suddenly uncomfortable. Upon seeing that expression, Chas pounced.

"Hah! You _can_ , can't you!"

"No! No, not anything as crude or… or messy as you humans think of that way."

Chas scooted in closer to Gabriel, still smirking.

"But you _can_ feel something _like_ that, can't you?"

Gabriel inched away, his brow furrowing with a mixture of worry, confusion, and amusement. "Well, yes, sort of…"

"How?"

"Well, certain areas of the body are sensitive to the touch, just like a hum-"

"And where's that!"

"Ah!" Gabriel laughed nervously at the boy's enthusiasm. "I'm not so sure this is the sort of thing that, uh, mortals should know about."

"What, is it one of those big 'forbidden question' things?"

"Uh, yes! Yes it is." Gabriel nodded firmly, sitting up straighter as Chas stopped leaning in so close. Chas pouted a moment, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared straight ahead. The angel took this moment to lean forward on the couch and straighten his suit and tie. At the feeling of finger on his back, however, he all but flew off out of his seat in surprise.

"What what what! What is this?"

Gabriel stared at Chas, who was now grinning like a Cheshire cat, hand still hovering poised above Gabriel's shoulder blades.

"Knew it. It's your wings, isn't it? Your wings are sensitive, aren't they?"

"Are not!"

"Liar. Didn't think angel's were supposed to lie."

Chas leaned in closer, nearly laughing at his triumph.

"Don't believe everything you read in those books, kid."

"I may be a kid, but I still know your weakness!"

"Ah! No!"

Chas lunged forward, grabbing the angel about the waist as his other hand found it's way to where he guessed Gabriel's wings were. He couldn't quite feel them, though there was an odd sort of warmth there, like he'd just stepped into a hot bath. His fingers lightly traced around the area as Gabriel screeched in surprise, struggled in his arms a moment, and then stopped with a shudder. Encouraged, Chas continued.

"You… ooh… you do know what it is you're doing, aren't you?"

Chas laughed, sounding rather like a kid playing with a new toy on Christmas. "Oh yeah, I know _exactly_ what I'm doing. I'm officially making myself the single coolest guy on the planet!"

Gabriel moaned as Chas' fingers brushed a particular spot, causing the angel to arch backwards against Chas. As Chas continued to focus on that spot, he couldn't help but feel proud, and sort of powerful. It didn't really hit him that what he was doing was sexual, after all, he was just touching the back of a guy that had no sex organs. It didn't seem wrong to him at all. Not to mention that the warm, relaxed feeling stemming from that part of Gabriel's back was slowly spreading throughout his body. He couldn't wait to tell John about this. Maybe it would make him jealous…

His head spinning, Gabriel let it fall to one side to look at Chas. He wanted to tell him to stop, or rather he knew he _should_ , but it had been a long time since Gabriel had last felt this. Well, perhaps not _that_ long, but the negotiations with Balthazar had been different, and more painful. While Gabriel would have preferred that this situation had been more… romantic, and with John instead of Chas. When he'd came to John's door today, he'd been hoping John would be alone. But somehow, Gabriel couldn't complain too much. Chas was sweet, after all, and delightfully innocent despite how jaded he had indeed become. But John…

Chas felt the body in his arm tense up, arching back further. He watched as Gabriel's eyes shut tightly, squinting in a look of concentration. It was incredible – he was going to watch a fucking _angel_ orgasm. That had to officially put him on some sort of sex God list, he was sure of it. As Gabriel cried out, arching one final time back against him, Chas couldn't help but wonder what John would look like when he-

"John…"

For a moment, Chas was worried that he'd been the one to say John's name. But then Gabriel's eyes snapped open, a look of embarrassment on his flushed face. He quickly sat up again, setting about straightening his rumbled clothing while doing his best not to look at Chas' face.

"Wait, did you just…"

"And you were thinking about him as well."

"How did you-"

"Angel, Chas, remember?"

"Oh, right…"

The two sat on the couch for a long, awkward moment, listening to the traffic outside. Finally Chas stood up, mumbling some excuse about getting another soda. Gabriel nodded, confused at how a little boy like Chas could have done this to him, and how he could have slipped up in front of him. _Him_. He _lived_ with John! What if he told him?

Which was exactly what Chas was thinking as he pulled another can of soda from the fridge. Gabriel had all those deep, private talks with John. What if he told John about how Chas felt about him? Would John be disgusted? Would he tell him to stop hanging around with him? Leave him? Somehow, Chas couldn't imagine what his life would be like without John in it with him.

When Chas returned to the room, he locked eyes with Gabriel. Neither was sure how long they held their stare, but somehow, without speaking, they managed to come to an understanding. They both felt the same for the same man, and for one reason or another, neither could let that man know. They both shared the same position, and so neither would say anything about the other to John.

When John kicked open the door, both figures in the room started and turned to face him. John was leaning against the doorframe, breathing heavily. He dropped the bag in his hand with a loud, crashing thump to the wooden floor and pulled out his lighter and a fresh cigarette. Lighting the tip, he brought it to his mouth and took a long drag, relaxing as if doing so had finally allowed him to catch his breath. Gabriel and Chas looked back at one another and smiled thinly.

"What?"

John looked between the two, his cigarette still hanging from between his lips as he managed to right himself and step into the room.

"Hmm? Something wrong, John?" Gabriel smiled, getting off the couch and walking gingerly over to him with the same usual half-smirk on his lips.

"Nothing… you two have fun while I was gone?"

"Yeah, loads." Chas rolled his eyes. "You prissy angel friend here's non-stop fun for the whole family." He made sure to add an extra dollop of sarcasm to his words.

"Great… glad someone had fun tonight."

Pulling out one of the chairs from the table, John collapsed into it, looking for all the world like a marionette whose strings had just been cut.

"Well then, I can see you're not in the mood for chit chat tonight, John. I'll find you another time then." Gabriel took a few backward steps towards the door.

"Fan-fucking-tasting."

Gabriel was gone before the words had left John's lips.

"You know, John… I think I'm glad I didn't go with you tonight."

"Huh?"

John looked up from his cigarette, seemingly half-asleep and confused all at once.

"Looks like it was Hell, wherever you were."

Scoffing, John shook his head. "You have know idea… so you and Gabriel got along?"

"You have no idea."


End file.
